#13 Beating their children

Throughout modern history, Chinese children have often been praised by non-Chinese parents as being polite, modest, good-natured and well disciplined. While many may debate the merits of nature vs. nurture, nurture indubitably plays a strong role in the shaping of a Chinese child's temperament. The nurture in question are savage beatings administered by parents.

As the reasons for beating are numerous, this method of physical discipline is integral in the parent's continued use of negative reinforcement, and to deter future misbehaviour. Common reasons for beatings include: poor grades (<90%), fighting with siblings, talking back, not practicing piano/violin and general disobedience. It is not uncommon that beatings would be administered based on petty reasons (e.g. not going home right after school) in order to maintain the fear instilled in the hearts of the children.

Non-Chinese parents that discipline their children will usually use a belt and/or hand. However, Chinese parents, in this regard are much more creative/resourceful. Common beating tools include coat hangers (plastic and metal), spatulas (plastic, metal and wood), rulers, paint stirrers, and the most infamous of all, the feather duster. The implement of choice will often depend on the administrator of the beatings. Being the most commonly used beating tool, Chinese children have developed a Pavlovian response to this unassuming household cleaning tool and will typically cringe or scurry away out of habit. The traditional form of this torture device is a long bamboo handle on one end, with feathers on the other. The contemporary model consists of a handle that is made of an intertwined steel rod covered in a hard plastic. Research has shown that both these models will consistently cause great pain to the palm, thigh, and buttock areas.

Should you be Chinese and also experienced savage and undeserved beatings in your youth, this is a great way to bond with your fellow Chinese. Talking about this once dreaded topic will often turn into reminiscing, which in turn is known to bring out one's competitive side. It is entirely possible to overhear a heated discussion between two Chinese people attempting to one-up each other with stories of, "my most savage beating". As a tip for non-Chinese people, highlighting the fact that, "I've never been beat" will only serve to alienate yourself from your Chinese friends, instead of impressing them.

#12 Negative reinforcement

It is undeniable that having a Chinese upbringing more often than not has produced many upstanding members of society. Delinquent drivers aside, the steady production of legal, financial and health care professionals ensures the continued betterment of society (and the survival of Starbucks)

While child-rearing varies greatly from culture to culture, the difference in style between Western and Chinese culture when it comes to encouragement is similar to the difference between night and day. The method used by Chinese parents to encourage their children is known as 'negative reinforcement' which is defined as, "a behavior strengthened because a negative condition is stopped or avoided as a consequence of the behavior."

This phenomenon can most commonly be observed when tests are returned to a Chinese student. With a score of 90% or greater, a non-Chinese parent would be ecstatic, with the test being worthy of center-fridge placement. In a Chinese household, it is almost guaranteed that the phrase, "Where did the other 10% go?" is uttered, most assuredly causing irreparable damage to the child's self-confidence. This barrage of negative reinforcement only ceases when marks are brought up to an acceptable level, such as 98%. This phenomenon can be extended into career situations where the phrase will change to "Why aren't you a doctor/lawyer/engineer yet?".

For non-Chinese looking to give their Chinese friends a hard time or display their knowledge of negative reinforcement, the phrase "Where's the other x%" is appropriate as a start. For situations where the test score is in the range of 80-90%, the one-two combo of , "So, that's like...Asian fail, right?" followed with, "Man, you're parents are gonna be PISSED" is suitable. This will either destroy their confidence forever or make you two BFF.

#11 Calling all adult men and women 'Auntie' and 'Uncle'

Ingrained into their minds at a very young age, Chinese children are programmed to respect their elders. They are constantly reminded of this in their academic and career-related endeavours. Lines such as "I hope you get a good job so you can support me when I'm old. It will be your turn then!" (and variations of) are commonplace in Chinese households. It should be noted that in an elder Chinese person's eyes, putting one's parents in a nursing home does not qualify as "supporting me when I'm old".

Born from this respect for their elders, Chinese children have always been taught to
refer to adults aged 30-65 as 'auntie' and 'uncle' even if there is no blood relation. As an example, for a man named Tony, he would be called 'uncle Tony' by his friend's children.

While this this is baffling to most Chinese children at first, they realize later in life that this naming convention can come in handy when:

-> the adult has no English name (i.e. Chinese name is difficult and/or weird)
-> they can't remember the adult's name

As many young Chinese people will tell you, greeting a Chinese adult for the first time or after a long hiatus with a simple, "Hi Uncle" or "Hi Auntie" will net huge brownie points.

For non-Chinese people meeting their friend's parents or boyfriend's/girlfriend's parents for the first time, it would be wise to avoid the Mr./Mrs. greeting and go straight for the Auntie/Uncle route. This demonstrates that you have a basic understanding of Chinese culture and that you just might be good enough to date their child. Maybe.

#10 Racquet sports

It is no great secret that Chinese people traditionally have not been known for their physical and athletic prowress. Compared to their non-Chinese counterparts, a Chinese person's lithe frame is not as suitable for playing more physical sports such as football and hockey. While it is not an impossible feat, a Chinese person can dedicate much time and effort to 'bulk up' in order to play these sports. It should be noted that this is usually much to the dismay of their parents as they usually feel this time could be better spent on academic pursuits.

What Chinese people lack in sheer size and muscle weight, they more than make up for it in finesse, grace and speed, much to the chagrin of the world's competing gymnastic teams. In addition, Chinese people are a highly adaptable group, which is helpful in explaining why, for generations they have gravitated towards sports that complement these qualities. These sports include ping-pong, badminton and tennis - the trifecta of racquet sports.

One could argue that these sports are ostensibly pick up and play and easy to learn, they take a lifetime to master. While the aforementioned qualities are a perfect fit for the trifecta, the other reason these sports are so popular with Chinese people is because of parents. Given the overprotective nature of Chinese parents, they will typically forbid their children from playing any highly physical or contact sports. Should a child suggest that they would like to participate, there is always a myriad of reasons from parents as to why that is a bad idea. Luckily, racquet sports have been deemed to be safe and acceptable. Should a Chinese child be injured playing one of these sports, there will be much hesitation on the part of the parent to allow their child to continue. It is not uncommon for words such as "I knew it was a bad idea letting you play sports!" or "See, you wouldn't have been hurt if you were doing Kumon instead." to be uttered.

Should a non-Chinese person ever want to play against a Chinese person in one of the trifecta sports, they should be prepared to lose. While this is not a guarantee, statistics have shown this to be true almost all of the time. Thankfully, due to their inborn politeness, trash talking will be kept at a minimum.

#2 Giving their children popular names from the 50's

While pertaining only to a small subset of the overall Chinese population, this phenomenon still warrants discussion. More specifically, this primarily affects Chinese adults born in Hong Kong in the 1950's who later had children in the late 70's and throughout the 1980's. This is not to be confused with the separate topics of naming your child after inanimate objects and using the phonetic pronunciation of their Chinese name as their English name (both to be discussed in later posts).

The time period in which they were born is particularly important because it sheds light on their level of exposure to western culture and the subsequent influence it had. The main sources of western entertainment often came from movies and musical acts from the 50's and 60's. As tweens and teenagers, Chinese people would come to idolize these celebrities and honour them in 25-30 years time by giving their children the same names.

By the late 70's and early 80's, children born of Chinese parents would be given names from two decades prior. For boys, cool names such as Terrence, Raymond, Lawrence, Philip, Kenneth and Patrick were all the rage. For girls, they were lucky enough to be given names such as Cynthia, Connie, Joyce, Janice, and Linda.

While Chinese parents felt good about their decisions, these Chinese children would come to wonder why they had such 'unique' names while their white counterparts would have more contemporary names like Ryan, Mike, Sarah and Jennifer.

For Chinese children in this situation, know that you are not alone and that many others share your plight. The best thing to do when you meet a fellow yellow with a name from the same decade, say, "Hey, that's a cool name!". You'll be best friends forever.

For non-Chinese, this knowledge can benefit you twofold. Firstly, you can make a new Chinese friend by appropriately shortening their name (e.g. Kenneth to Ken), as it shows you understand their pain. Secondly, should you find yourself in a social situation trying to determine a Chinese person's age (for pick-up/dating purposes or general reference), their name should be a good indicator. This is especially useful given that most (if not all) Chinese have a perpetually youthful appearance. This technique has been proven to work 8 out of 10 times (research ongoing).

Finally, there is a way for everyone to help stop this injustice for good. Know a Chinese couple that's going to have a child soon? Buy them a contemporary baby names book. If it's a mixed couple, don't worry, it's under control.