#14 Extracurricular Academic Activities

Similar to their non-Chinese counterparts, Chinese parents also feel that extracurricular activities are an integral part of making a child 'well-rounded'. Much to the child's surprise these activities are rarely of a physical nature.

Since Chinese parents place a monumental importance on their child's education, extracurricular activities are almost always of an academic nature. Similar to Chinese school, these activities take place on Saturday afternoons (often after Chinese school), further destroying the child's afternoon and preventing them from having fun with their non-Chinese friends. Otherwise, they take place after school on weekdays, successfully destroying any chance of 'hang-outs' with non-Chinese children.

The academic activities in question consist of math, English, music and occasionally art. In regards to math practice, the word Kumon will send a chill down any Chinese child's spine and conjure images of a steady, never ending, daily supply of booklets of math questions. After all, success in math equates to success in life. Occasionally, in areas with a high concentration of Chinese people, there are often community center like "academies" where children of all ages gather for math classes and English study (despite the fact they were born in an English speaking country). English study includes grammar practices in addition to writing essays that have no bearing on being a young adolescent.

A child expressing themselves through art (painting, illustration) is seldom encouraged as it is often seen by parents as a trivial pursuit that does not guarantee a job as medical, financial or technical professional. Should the child succeed and obtain a fulfilling career creating art, the parents will be proud, but will never fail to remind their child that, "still, being a doctor has better job security."

Musical pursuits are often encouraged, but only if the instruments involved are a violin or a piano. To a Chinese parent, any instrument outside of this duo of choices, frankly, do not exist. This will be covered in greater detail in a future post.

For non-Chinese people, these types of extracurricular activities are very much an oddity. While they were playing hockey, t-Ball, soccer and other various sports Chinese children were enjoying a full afternoon of math, followed by English, followed by violin and/or piano practice. This sad history history has been revealed in the hopes that future Chinese parents will not make the same mistakes as their elders. This information should also serve to provide a good reason for non-Chinese to understand fully why, "Kenneth/Linda can't come out and play" on such a lovely summer day.

#13 Beating their children

Throughout modern history, Chinese children have often been praised by non-Chinese parents as being polite, modest, good-natured and well disciplined. While many may debate the merits of nature vs. nurture, nurture indubitably plays a strong role in the shaping of a Chinese child's temperament. The nurture in question are savage beatings administered by parents.

As the reasons for beating are numerous, this method of physical discipline is integral in the parent's continued use of negative reinforcement, and to deter future misbehaviour. Common reasons for beatings include: poor grades (<90%), fighting with siblings, talking back, not practicing piano/violin and general disobedience. It is not uncommon that beatings would be administered based on petty reasons (e.g. not going home right after school) in order to maintain the fear instilled in the hearts of the children.

Non-Chinese parents that discipline their children will usually use a belt and/or hand. However, Chinese parents, in this regard are much more creative/resourceful. Common beating tools include coat hangers (plastic and metal), spatulas (plastic, metal and wood), rulers, paint stirrers, and the most infamous of all, the feather duster. The implement of choice will often depend on the administrator of the beatings. Being the most commonly used beating tool, Chinese children have developed a Pavlovian response to this unassuming household cleaning tool and will typically cringe or scurry away out of habit. The traditional form of this torture device is a long bamboo handle on one end, with feathers on the other. The contemporary model consists of a handle that is made of an intertwined steel rod covered in a hard plastic. Research has shown that both these models will consistently cause great pain to the palm, thigh, and buttock areas.

Should you be Chinese and also experienced savage and undeserved beatings in your youth, this is a great way to bond with your fellow Chinese. Talking about this once dreaded topic will often turn into reminiscing, which in turn is known to bring out one's competitive side. It is entirely possible to overhear a heated discussion between two Chinese people attempting to one-up each other with stories of, "my most savage beating". As a tip for non-Chinese people, highlighting the fact that, "I've never been beat" will only serve to alienate yourself from your Chinese friends, instead of impressing them.

#9 Chinese school

In an effort to maintain their child's fragile connection to their heritage, immigrant Chinese parents will almost always send their children to Chinese school. It allows parents to feel that they've done all they can despite the fact that they could have just as easily taught their child at home. However, the irony is usually lost on them.

Usually taking place on a weekly basis on Saturday mornings, these children are taught to read, write and speak Chinese (Cantonese or Mandarin). Given their undying love of education (and authenticity), parents request, nay, demand their children write tests and quizzes. While this method works in theory, studying on a Friday night effectively dashes any hopes that Chinese child had of being considered "cool" among his/her non-Chinese peers. Party? Can't go, studying. Movies? Caged up and studying. Underage drinking? Under surveillance, can't leave. In addition, Chinese children will resent this "extra" school as it cuts into their Saturday Morning Cartoon time. Transformers will not watch itself.

While class is dismissed around noon, this by no means guarantees a child's freedom. When school is over, there are most certainly extra-curricular activities to participate in (sometimes willingly). Fun activities include badminton, art class (chinese painting/calligraphy), Chinese dance and Chinese chess, to name a few.

Should your Chinese friend ever bring up the fact that they were forced to go to Chinese school, you can provide a quantum of solace by telling them the cartoons and parties they missed weren't that good, despite the fact that this is probably a boldfaced lie.

If you were one of the 'lucky' Chinese children that was allowed to 'drop out', consider yourself lucky as your parents just as easily could have taken you to a much more hardcore school two towns over. Should you ever get made fun of by your Chinese friends for being a dropout, just remind them how awesome it was to sleep in and watch cartoons all morning in your pajamas.

#1 Keeping on the original protective plastic wrap

While Chinese people have a long-standing reputation of being notoriously cheap (to be discussed in a later post), they often have no problem buying items of significant value such as furniture, electronics and designer handbags.

In order to understand this phenomenon more clearly, one must understand that these big ticket purchases are considered an investment and must be protected accordingly. This mentality can be used to explain why Chinese people often insist on the non-removal of the flimsy protective film affixed to their newly purchased item. In the case of small gadgets, most people would find a protective case to be adequate. However, Chinese people are quite willing to buy a case and still keep the plastic on for "extra protection". The most common examples include screens of handheld electronics (e.g. camera LCD screen, PSP screen, cell phone screen) and various furniture (e.g. table corners and edges, plastic on top of the glass part of a cabinet or table).

Unless provoked or shamed into removal, this plastic could very well remain on the item forever. Typically, there are only two situations where this plastic would be removed.

1. Natural adhesiveness wears off

In this situation, the plastic naturally will lose its adhesiveness and the Chinese person will be forced to remove it (begrudgingly).

2. Shame

The main cause of plastic removal. Only when shamed by peers (Chinese or non-Chinese) will this plastic be removed. The Chinese person in question will typically react by saying, "it's no big deal guys! Really!" and peel off the plastic. Outsiders must keep a watchful eye though, as it's possible the Chinese person will save the plastic and try to re-affix it later when they are alone.

When presented with situation #2, the best thing a non-Chinese person can do is pat the Chinese person on the back and reassure them that it was going to happen anyways and that they were being super lame.

On the bright side, at least anything you buy from a Chinese person will be in pristine condition.