#9 Chinese school

In an effort to maintain their child's fragile connection to their heritage, immigrant Chinese parents will almost always send their children to Chinese school. It allows parents to feel that they've done all they can despite the fact that they could have just as easily taught their child at home. However, the irony is usually lost on them.

Usually taking place on a weekly basis on Saturday mornings, these children are taught to read, write and speak Chinese (Cantonese or Mandarin). Given their undying love of education (and authenticity), parents request, nay, demand their children write tests and quizzes. While this method works in theory, studying on a Friday night effectively dashes any hopes that Chinese child had of being considered "cool" among his/her non-Chinese peers. Party? Can't go, studying. Movies? Caged up and studying. Underage drinking? Under surveillance, can't leave. In addition, Chinese children will resent this "extra" school as it cuts into their Saturday Morning Cartoon time. Transformers will not watch itself.

While class is dismissed around noon, this by no means guarantees a child's freedom. When school is over, there are most certainly extra-curricular activities to participate in (sometimes willingly). Fun activities include badminton, art class (chinese painting/calligraphy), Chinese dance and Chinese chess, to name a few.

Should your Chinese friend ever bring up the fact that they were forced to go to Chinese school, you can provide a quantum of solace by telling them the cartoons and parties they missed weren't that good, despite the fact that this is probably a boldfaced lie.

If you were one of the 'lucky' Chinese children that was allowed to 'drop out', consider yourself lucky as your parents just as easily could have taken you to a much more hardcore school two towns over. Should you ever get made fun of by your Chinese friends for being a dropout, just remind them how awesome it was to sleep in and watch cartoons all morning in your pajamas.