#10 Racquet sports

It is no great secret that Chinese people traditionally have not been known for their physical and athletic prowress. Compared to their non-Chinese counterparts, a Chinese person's lithe frame is not as suitable for playing more physical sports such as football and hockey. While it is not an impossible feat, a Chinese person can dedicate much time and effort to 'bulk up' in order to play these sports. It should be noted that this is usually much to the dismay of their parents as they usually feel this time could be better spent on academic pursuits.

What Chinese people lack in sheer size and muscle weight, they more than make up for it in finesse, grace and speed, much to the chagrin of the world's competing gymnastic teams. In addition, Chinese people are a highly adaptable group, which is helpful in explaining why, for generations they have gravitated towards sports that complement these qualities. These sports include ping-pong, badminton and tennis - the trifecta of racquet sports.

One could argue that these sports are ostensibly pick up and play and easy to learn, they take a lifetime to master. While the aforementioned qualities are a perfect fit for the trifecta, the other reason these sports are so popular with Chinese people is because of parents. Given the overprotective nature of Chinese parents, they will typically forbid their children from playing any highly physical or contact sports. Should a child suggest that they would like to participate, there is always a myriad of reasons from parents as to why that is a bad idea. Luckily, racquet sports have been deemed to be safe and acceptable. Should a Chinese child be injured playing one of these sports, there will be much hesitation on the part of the parent to allow their child to continue. It is not uncommon for words such as "I knew it was a bad idea letting you play sports!" or "See, you wouldn't have been hurt if you were doing Kumon instead." to be uttered.

Should a non-Chinese person ever want to play against a Chinese person in one of the trifecta sports, they should be prepared to lose. While this is not a guarantee, statistics have shown this to be true almost all of the time. Thankfully, due to their inborn politeness, trash talking will be kept at a minimum.

#9 Chinese school

In an effort to maintain their child's fragile connection to their heritage, immigrant Chinese parents will almost always send their children to Chinese school. It allows parents to feel that they've done all they can despite the fact that they could have just as easily taught their child at home. However, the irony is usually lost on them.

Usually taking place on a weekly basis on Saturday mornings, these children are taught to read, write and speak Chinese (Cantonese or Mandarin). Given their undying love of education (and authenticity), parents request, nay, demand their children write tests and quizzes. While this method works in theory, studying on a Friday night effectively dashes any hopes that Chinese child had of being considered "cool" among his/her non-Chinese peers. Party? Can't go, studying. Movies? Caged up and studying. Underage drinking? Under surveillance, can't leave. In addition, Chinese children will resent this "extra" school as it cuts into their Saturday Morning Cartoon time. Transformers will not watch itself.

While class is dismissed around noon, this by no means guarantees a child's freedom. When school is over, there are most certainly extra-curricular activities to participate in (sometimes willingly). Fun activities include badminton, art class (chinese painting/calligraphy), Chinese dance and Chinese chess, to name a few.

Should your Chinese friend ever bring up the fact that they were forced to go to Chinese school, you can provide a quantum of solace by telling them the cartoons and parties they missed weren't that good, despite the fact that this is probably a boldfaced lie.

If you were one of the 'lucky' Chinese children that was allowed to 'drop out', consider yourself lucky as your parents just as easily could have taken you to a much more hardcore school two towns over. Should you ever get made fun of by your Chinese friends for being a dropout, just remind them how awesome it was to sleep in and watch cartoons all morning in your pajamas.

#8 Berating non-Chinese for eating at inauthentic Chinese food establishments

It is no great secret that Chinese people love food. From insects to large water-dwelling mammals, Chinese people will eat anything and everything (to be discussed in a later post). It is this insatiable appetite for good food that drives Chinese people to constantly search for new and delicious places in which to dine.

In their lifelong search, they will come across numerous dining establishments that they will deem to be of high or acceptable quality. Similar to non-Chinese people, Chinese people will often become thrilled at the idea of recommending or sharing a restaurant find with their friends. The difference in this situation, is that due to a Chinese person's (usually) inherent modesty, they will rarely volunteer this choice information. Fortunately, deep interrogation is not required and a simple, "Hey, do you know a good Chinese restaurant?" will suffice.

After a non-Chinese person has been taken to an authentic Chinese restaurant by their Chinese friend, it is expected from that point on (because they "know better") that they will never eat at an inauthentic establishment ever again. This may seem like an unreasonable expectation to most, but the non-Chinese person should try to understand that it's only because their friend means well. Chinese friends (typically) don't let friends eat terrible Chinese food.

In the event that you are with a Chinese friend and you are passing by a mall food court or any place with a visible Chinese take-out establishment, be prepared to hear phrases such as "Ugh, I can't believe people eat at that place" and "It's not even REAL Chinese food!". Under NO circumstance should a non-Chinese person try to defend these establishments or even remotely suggest that chicken balls and egg rolls are authentic Chinese fare. One should only do this at their own peril, unless they wish to hear a long-winded speech about how, "my ancestors never ate chicken balls!"

However, should you ever catch your Chinese friend enjoying "fake" take-out Chinese food, do not hesitate to call them a hypocrite. It doesn't matter how much they've been drinking. They will thank you in the long run.